"The effect of the shadow is judgement - positive or negative - of another that we do not think is related to us personally."
"Sometimes we need to enter into the unknown parts of ourselves to find exactly what we need to grow in peace, creative self-fulfillment and happiness. The challenge can be to trust that we will arise from this darker place again. Just as the Spring always follows the Winter...so too will any inner work with the shadow precede a beautiful rebirth."
- Kuan Yin Oracle Maiden Ma Gu by Alana Fairchild
Judgmental is the furthest adjective I would use to describe myself. Someone could say her dream in life is to ride a rainbow on a unicorn and it would not phase me. I view all people equally - homeless or wealthy, mentally ill or "sane," highly educated or self-taught, scientist or artist, mean or kind, child or adult. Acceptance blurs lines and boundaries (Neptunian). Its focus is soft, not sharp. Anything is possible in this realm. Think Jupiter.
In these past few weeks, however, I have been judging people constantly:
- How can a teacher mispronounce terms?
- Why do people continually post conceited photos of themselves?
- Why did a student leave my 1.5 hour yoga class after an hour?
- Why are people so self-absorbed and self-centered?
- How can someone not know "X" (in an intellectual capacity)?
- Why do people talk so loudly and so much?
Every time these thoughts or words arise, they seem not me, but something external and darker, an unfamiliar territory. My higher self rushes in with the reminder that we are one and to view everyone and everything through the lens of love and compassion.
Yet, this judgement persists.
Yesterday after much reflection, it became clear that these past two weeks have consisted of deep and ugly shadow work further explained by the following incidents:
- Initiation of Yin Yoga Teacher Training (style of yoga that asks one to go within and explore the darker side of self)
- Crow/Fly totems
- Strong need for a Purify candle
- Constant urge for long, deep exhalations
- My clairaudient friend delivered a question from Spirit during our magic date, "how do you handle darkness?"
- Fall Equinox (from light to dark, outer to inner themes)
- Sun shift to Libra
- Goddess Maat presence (judgement)
- Chat around self-trust/confidence with Naha during our Middle Pillar Session
- Idea of walking through fear and darkness in Kundalini with Colin
We choose what we see in people and the world so if my past two weeks have been thoughts and words of judgment, what does this indicate and what can be learned?
- Judgement helps one discriminate for positive outcomes such as knowing how to set healthy boundaries that protect personal time, space and energy.
- What do I seek to gain from these judgements? For example, if noticing the arrogance and self-absorbed nature in individuals, how can I embody humility? Or perhaps I wish to better communicate and express myself?
- Oftentimes judgement arises from insecurity. Where am I insecure and how do I develop confidence in this area?
- If judging the selfish qualities in another, how may I cultivate selfness (a positive focus on self)?
- If noticing anger, where can strength be built?
- If observing manipulation, where can I be direct in my own needs?
Though uncomfortable and dark, through shadow work, beautiful facets of self emerge. From dark comes light. From the muddiest swamp blooms the most radiant lotus flower.